Imagine you want to take a girl you like out on a date.
(Ladies here can imagine a guy).
She’s right there. Alone. Drinking her coffee.
You’re walking towards her. Heart racing, palms sweaty, throat dry.
She looks at you. You freeze. You had rehearsed the “script” a million times last night.
You go blank. Again. For the eighth time this week.
For introverts, this may happen on many occasions. At work, at a store, at a restaurant, or on vacation. Approaching someone you like or want to connect with can be difficult.
Introverts have so much to offer. So much value to give. Once someone gets to know you, they can’t have enough.
All you need is to get that first impression right.
So, today we’ll discuss 3 Powerful Techniques that can help you nail that first impression. Reduce approach anxiety.
And also show you how you can confidently approach anyone anywhere and get a positive response. At Least 8/10 times (let’s be realistic).
Let’s dive right in.
1. The Practice Mindset
The brain fears unfamiliarity.
Approaching a new person triggers the same pathways in the brain that are responsible for evoking fear. New and unfamiliar means danger. It’s a survival mechanism.
And it’s there to protect us in times of danger. You cannot turn it off.
But you can trick it.
The trick is to get yourself in a mental frame of practice, or Practice mindset.
Be action oriented, not outcome oriented.
Don’t give too much importance to the person you want to approach.
But make sure your intentions are good. That you genuinely want to connect with them. Not just for fun and games.
When it’s real, people can feel it. And they’ll respond more warmly to your approach.
Energy never lies. Remember that. Be real. Authentic.
When you prepare yourself mentally to approach someone, don’t start worrying about the outcome.
Think of it like a football game. If you think you’re playing the World Cup final, you’ll be under a lot of pressure to score a goal.
But if you’re in the field just to practice, you’ll be much more relaxed, and you’ll play your natural game.
When you shift your mindset like this and approach someone with a practice mindset, you feel no pressure to win. Or attract them. Or impress them.
And when you feel no pressure, that’s what brings out your natural personality. Your charm. Your magnetism. The good things you can offer.
The things that makes them attracted to you.
You’ll appear more confident & charismatic.
Think about the people you find cool. Snoop Dogg, Rihanna, Tom Cruise. They appear to be cool because they have no intentions to impress anyone. They’re just being themselves.
All the time.
And that, my friend, is what makes them so attractive.
2. Body Language
The Body talks. And it reveals way more about you than what you say.
But there’s another interesting fact. Psychological experiments have proven that our brain and body are one. They act in unity.
When you’re feeling confident in your body, you’ll naturally start feeling confident in your mind.
That’s why we feel so motivated after a good workout. No? Or any physical activity like running, playing any outdoor game, or simply a brisk walk.
Which means that if we can put our bodies in a confident state, we’ll automatically start feeling confident in our minds.
And it’s possible through knowledge of body language.
Here are 3 practical techniques you can use to feel confident while approaching someone:
1. Spine straight, shoulder pulled back
Try it right now.
Straighten up your spine, pull back your shoulders (not too stiffly), and walk around in the room.
Look in the mirror. Look at yourself from different angles. And notice how you feel.
Now, go back to your natural posture and drop your shoulders. Do feel the difference?
A straight spine and pulled back shoulders give you more height. It also makes you more alert. It conveys confidence and makes the other person pay attention to you.
It sends a subconscious signal that you’re fearless.
2. Breathe through your belly
It is a scientific fact that when we sense a threat and feel stressed, it causes us to breathe through our chest.
But when you’re relaxed and sense no danger, the breathing returns back to the belly.
We can tap into this physiological system and use it to consciously relax ourselves while approaching someone.
When the body is relaxed, the mind will be calm. And can help you easily start a conversation.
Next time you approach someone, make sure you’re breathing through your belly, not your chest.
3. Smile
A genuine smile can open doors that words never can.
A smile makes people more open. Relaxed. It shows that you’re not a threat.
We have a bunch of neurons inside our brains called Mirror Neurons. Call them monkey neurons. They have a tendency to copy people just like monkeys. But only the people we like.
And smile plays a big role in making someone like you.
So when you approach someone with a smile, these neurons immediately fire. And nine out of ten times, the other person will reciprocate with a smile.
Also, when we smile, our brain releases dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin. These neurotransmitters are associated with lowering anxiety and increasing feelings of happiness.
And people feel conformable letting their guard down when they’re feeling happy and relaxed.
So walk up to them with a genuine smile and let the nuerons do the rest.
3. Eye Contact
This is the most important, and crucial aspect of approaching someone new.
Introverts can find it very difficult to maintain eye contact for more than 3 seconds.
But it’s only after the first 3 seconds that you can break the barrier of subconscious resistance and connect with someone.
After 3 seconds, the brain releases a chemical called Oxytocin. This is the chemical that is responsible for connection and bonding in humans.
Here’s what happens in the subconscious after 3 seconds of eye contact:
– It’s evokes feelings of trust
– It coveys tons of confidence
– It’s arousing (in the context of dating)
– It conveys you’re interested
If you’re shy, a good way to start is by never breaking eye contact with people before they break it with you (do this only with people you know).
You may feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but as you keep practicing, you’ll intuitively get the hang of which people are interested in taking it to the next level.
When you maintain eye contact, they may look away, but keep looking at them for a few more seconds. If they look back, it’s a clear sign of interest.
Begin with people you’re comfortable with, and then you can experiment with strangers.
BONUS TIP: Search for “Eye Contact Practice” videos on Youtube. You’ll find a lot of them. You can begin in the privacy of your room. And then practice it outside.
This is the hardest level of approaching and connecting with someone. And if you can teach yourself to maintain eye contact, you can attract & hypnotize people without saying a word.
Conclusion
Approach anxiety is mental.
You can easily overcome it when you detach from your mind and connect with your body.
So… here are the reminders:
– Get yourself into the practice mindset. You’re learning. Even if you fail, it doesn’t matter. Try again.
– Straighten up your spine, with your shoulders pulled back, breathe through your belly, and SMILE.
– And finally, as our old friend Tony Montana said in ‘Scarface’,
“It’s the eyes Chico… It’s the eyes. They never lie.”
Practice maintaining eye-contact for more than 3 seconds, they’ll know the real you.
Good luck out there.
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