“I’m all good”.
“I’m strong”.
“I don’t care, I’ve seen worse”.
“I’ll figure it out on my own”.
These used to be my “go to” phrases till my late 20s.
Whenever I was stuck in a situation that was driving me nuts, those feel-good-I-am-strong sentences were my cope buddies.
I believed I was a strong, rational individual who can handle any situation, no matter what comes at me.
Don’t you too?
Introverts are fiercely independent.
They’d fight and struggle till they can’t before asking for help.
That’s what we’re taught, right?
That’s how our parents conditioned us.
I was no different.
But one dark night changed everything for me.
The Night I Broke Down
It was April, 2021, around 12.45 a.m.
For a few months, lower back pain had been troubling me.
And as always, I kept ignoring it.
I was reading in bed. My back-bone curved like a semi-circle.
And after some time, my back started hurting again (for the 100th time).
So I turned on my stomach and stayed like that for about 15-20 minutes,
And the moment I tried changing my position, I felt a shock running from my foot to my lower back.
It literally felt like a shock.
I waited for a few seconds thinking it would go away.
I tried again and moved my right leg an inch (yes, only an inch), and the shock doubled.
I laid in bed. Still as a mouse.
All kinds of things were running through my head.
And finally my mind settled on a paralysis attack.
This is it, I said to myself. This is the last time I’m feeling the right side of my body.
In that moment too, I was soothing myself with phrases like:
“It will go away”.
“It’s nothing. Maybe a little spasm. It will go away”.
“I’ve seen worse, it will go away”.
It didn’t.
An hour passed. I had tried to move like 15 times. And each time the shock level doubled.
Time had slowed down. That one single hour felt like a year.
I looked at my phone. It was 2.05 a.m.
I didn’t want to call an ambulance because that would have woken up the entire neighbourhood.
So, I gathered courage and called a friend.
He was there in 20 min. Took me to a nearby emergency.
It was my back. Some kinda nerve was being crushed between bones.
They gave me a shot of painkiller and my friend dropped me home.
It was about 3.30 am. I was laying in my bed. Trying to process what had just happened.
That’s when I had one of the biggest realizations of my life… it’s okay to ask for help.
Why introverts don’t ask for help and how to overcome it
It starts in our childhood.
Every time you asked for help and faced anger, dismissal, or indifference, you learned a painful lesson:
Asking for help gets people mad.
It got imprinted on your subconscious.
And now everytime you need help, your subconscious immediately reminds you of that hurtful childhood memory.
It happens so fast that your conscious brain has no time to process how you even reached the decision of not asking for help.
But that’s where you end up everytime.
You became self-reliant.
You told yourself, “I’ll figure it out on my own.”
At first, it felt good. Gave you an ego boost.
But over time, it turned into a habit. A habit that kept you isolated, even when you desperately needed help.
Then, fear of rejection kicked in.
You started thinking, “What if I ask and they say no?”
And the fear of being a burden or misunderstood just 10X’ed this hesitation.
Before asking, you imagine every possible outcome:
Will they think I’m weak?
What if they help but hate me later?
Am I even worth their time?
And after analyzing it from all angles, you decide: Better not to ask.
How to overcome this cycle
By learning the root cause of this behavior, you’ll become aware why this happens.
And this awareness will help you to take action.
By following these simple steps, you can reverse this trauma response.
Here’s how.
Reframe your thoughts
Realize this: It’s a thought pattern that prevents you from asking for help.
By changing how you see it, you can make the change happen.
Think of it as giving someone a chance to care for you, not as burdening them.
People are inherently kind. Most people want to help, they just need to know how.
Start small
Don’t pressure yourself into uncomfortable situations.
Go slow.
Ask for help with low-stakes situations.
“Can you help me carry this?”
“Do you have a moment to explain this?”
Small wins build confidence.
Practice gratitude
After someone helps you, express thanks.
Gratitude strengthens bonds and makes you feel good about the exchange.
When you feel good, your subconscious will take a note and will help you make the change permanent.
Remember this: You’re not alone.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a bridge to connection.
The strongest people know when to lean on others.
Vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness.
It’s okay to rely on people you trust.
Stay blessed,
Karun
P.S: If you find it difficult to ask for help, this book can help you: Born to Stand Out