As an introvert, you have so much to offer.
Kindness that speaks louder than words.
Care that’s rare and genuine.
Unconditional love that can transform lives.
And those deep, meaningful conversations that leave people feeling seen and understood.
But here’s the challenge: They won’t see these incredible qualities unless you show them.
Show them how much you can offer.
Show them the wild side reserved only for a few.
Show them no one can make them feel like you can.
But, but, but.
Without sacrificing your own needs.
And trust me, nothing is more attractive than someone who values themselves while showing up authentically.
Let me explain.
My First Date
I was about 20, and there was this girl I found on my friend’s Facebook friend list.
I asked him about her, and to my surprise, he gave me her number.
We started texting, and that part was easy for me.
I’ve always been good with words, and humor came naturally.
Before long, she was really into me.
After a month of texting, she asked if we could meet.
And that’s when the anxiety hit me like a wave.
I said yes, but not before overthinking for hours.
When the day came, the moment I saw her, my heart started racing.
She was beautiful, and all I could think was: “I don’t deserve her.”
We had a soda, sat through 30 minutes of awkward conversation, and then she made an excuse and left.
I texted her later that evening, but as I feared, she never replied.
I didn’t date anyone for the next 2 years.
I worked on myself. Like an obsessive nerd.
And here’s what happened on the date #2.
The Second Date
Fast forward two years.
It started with texting again, just like last girl.
And we planned a date just in a week.
This time, when I saw her walking toward me, I didn’t panic.
I stood still, feeling calm.
As she approached, I said nothing.
She gave me a curious look.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” I replied.
“What are you looking at?” she asked.
“Just feeling your energy. I like it,” I said with a smile.
She blushed, and we ended up having an incredible day together.
We dated for the next two years.
What Changed?
I had the same body, same height, and same face.
But my self-image had transformed.
I no longer felt unworthy or anxious about what she thought of me.
Instead, I focused on being present, enjoying the moment, and giving her my full attention and energy.
I was there to enjoy, not to prove my worth to her.
Here’s what I learned, and here’s how you can apply it too:
See Yourself as Worthy of Dating Anyone
The first person you need to convince is yourself.
Believe it to your bones that you are good enough for anyone you want to date.
If you don’t believe it, they won’t either.
Reminds me of a quote from Ayn Rand:
“People want nothing but mirrors around them. To reflect them while they’re reflecting too”.
How you see yourself, is how they see themselves.
If you feel awkward and shy, they’ll be repelled by you.
If you feel confident and worthy, they’ll be attracted to you.
It cannot be more simple than that.
Be Present in the Moment, Not in Your Head
Overthinking kills connection.
Stop worrying about how you’re coming across or what might happen next.
Stop thinking about are they judging me or what are they thinking about me?
Just focus entirely on the person in front of you.
Give them your best.
Enjoy. Have fun. Crack a few jokes (hold back the dark ones though ;)).
Show them your unique personality.
Like in Chapter 7 ‘Awareness’ of my book “Born to Stand Out”, I tell the story of Ethan.
Ethan was smart, good looking, intelligent.
But Ethan had one problem: he could never talk to women.
Even when women showed interest, he self-rejected himself. Thinking he was not good enough. And how he overcame his limiting self-belief and become a confident man through awareness.
Be present in the moment.
Listen to their words.
Notice their body language.
Ask them an interesting mind-bending question.
It’s not that complicated, trust me.
When you show genuine interest in someone, it makes them feel valued and understood.
You don’t have to try too hard to be cool and interesting, just be interested.
That’ll do.
Enjoy the Experience, Not the Outcome
A date is not an interview or an audition. It’s a shared moment.
Relax. Be playful.
Let go of the pressure to impress or secure a second date.
People don’t like it when you try too hard.
It shows neediness and makes you unattractive.
It makes them feel you desperately want to be validated.
Instead, stay quiet (which is your natural state).
Observe them.
You have the gift of reading people like a book.
Tell them something unique about them that you noticed.
It’s the little things like these that create strong bonds and genuine attraction between two people.
The less you worry about “how it’s going,” the more natural and enjoyable the connection will feel.
In conclusion, dating as an introvert doesn’t have to feel like a battle.
When you see yourself as worthy, stay present, and embrace the experience, you can build genuine connections effortlessly.
You don’t need to be someone else to find love.
Being authentically you is your greatest asset.
You’re built different. You are already unique.
Just embrace yourself and show up as you.
And trust me, they’ll thinking about you all night.
Stay blessed,
Karun