Couple of weeks ago, I couldn’t sleep till 4 in the morning.
Here’s what happened:
It was around 10.40 pm. I was reading Murakami in bed. Usually I turn my wifi off by this time. But I forgot that night.
I heard the phone tinggggggg. I don’t use instagram. But I do use Youtube sometimes for research. A friend of mine sent me a short of some guy who solves puzzles. I found it interesting so I browsed to his channel and watched a few more, and a dozen more after that.
The time in the top right of my screen changed to 1:11 and caught my attention (sign from the angels to stop doom scrolling). I put away my phone and tried every possible position all over my bed to fall asleep, but I couldn’t.
I became completely still and started observing myself. I was feeling restless but there was something more. I was also feeling a subtle desire to do something. It was 1 am. I had been up since 6 in the morning. I had worked the whole day, why was I feeling that energy to do something.
After digging into it for a week, I found out it was not energy, it was anxiety.
And when I really looked into it, it opened Pandora’s box of STIMULATION.
I’ve been in the movie business (for those who are new to this newsletter, I used to be a screenwriter). And I believe I have good taste in movies. And trust me, when I have to select a movie to watch on Netflix or Amazon prime, it gives me a headache.
I’m picky. I don’t want to waste 2 hours of my life watching crap. So, I have to be careful. But the selection process itself is so overwhelming that I sometimes give it up and end up staring at a wall for 2 hours to overcome the overwhelm.
There are just too many choices now. It has ruined the fun. Everything is endless. Endless reels, endless videos, endless movies, endless books, endless songs.
I used to love music. I still do, but not as much as I used to love in school. I’m from the time of cassettes and CDs(yeah, I am that old). A cassette had like 12 songs on it and a CD had like 120 max. And I used to cherish listening to a few favorite songs.
I loved having fewer options.
But now you have Spotify and Apple music and whatever else there is. I do have a playlist but it has a thousand songs on it and I end up listening to the same 30 songs I listened to back in school.
We are living in a time of abundance, but it has taken away the fun of the less. When you have limited options, you care about them more. It’s straight human psychology.
I don’t want to sound nostalgic (maybe I am a little), but I miss the simple life.
And when you’re an introvert, it can take a toll on your mental health.
For introverts, overstimulation is what Kryptonite is to Superman.
It was driving me nuts, so here’s what I did. But before I get into it, let’s explore the science behind it (couldn’t help it, I am a nerd).
The Science Behind Over-Stimulation
When you wake up in the morning you have a full battery of dopamine which is enough to last the whole day.
Dopamine is the chemical that makes you WANT to do something. Or self-motivation. It could be things like going for a walk, or meditation, or working on a passion project.
Now the important thing to note here is that when you’re running on natural dopamine reserves that get refilled through rest and relaxation and a good night’s sleep, the motivation comes from the inside. You’d naturally want to do something without needing any external motivators.
Now let’s suppose, you worked late at night and didn’t sleep well. Now your dopamine reserves are half-full. So naturally you will not feel motivated to do anything that requires hard work.
But, you have a job and goals and deadlines to meet. What do we do now?
You use a STIMULANT to artificially refill your dopamine reserve.
Now, this stimulant could be as simple as coffee, tea, cigarettes, or a donut, and as complex and harmful as cigarettes, alcohol (which is a depressant but acts as a stimulant), cocaine, snake poison, there is no limit really. You get the idea.
It gives you the “kick” you need to do what needs to be done, but you also have to pay for the consequences. Because it comes with a side-effect known as ANXIETY.
When you’re running on an artificially filled dopamine reserve, you will have this constant feeling that you HAVE to do something; otherwise you will keep on feeling restless.
And to cope with this anxiety, we end up taking more stimulants. More cups of coffee, more packs of cigarettes, more beers. Until you crash.
Also known as burn out. Or fried dopamine receptors. Or as I like to call it: feeling like shit.
Now you wake up the next day, feeling like shit. Having no motivation (because your dopamine reserves are in the minus), what you really need at this point is to rest and let the dopamine reserves refill naturally. But you gotta do what you gotta do.
And there is only one way: More Stimulants.
This cycle keeps repeating over and over again and becomes a habit. Substance dependency. Or in medical terms chronic addiction.
Yeah, I drew that on my white board (I am no Picasso), but you get the idea.
This is the stage where it becomes impossible for you to be naturally motivated to do something without your preferred choice of stimulant.
Examples:
– Inability to workout without music or go for a walk.
– Inability to start work without coffee.
– Inability to think without a lighted cigarette in hand.
– Inability to socialize without alcohol.
– Inability to chill with friends without weed.
– Inability to eat food without scrolling videos
– Inability to sleep without listening to songs or podcasts
– Inability to spend half a day without eating even when you’re not hungry.
– Inability to sit quietly for 10 minutes without touching your phone
– Inability to enjoy life without something in your hand, mouth, ears, or brain.
Some of them may look harmless. But it’s only when you try to leave them that you realize how dependent you’ve grown on them. Not only that, it can also have a drastic effect of how you connect in the world. It can disconnect you from your true self and keep you from operating as your natural self.
If you’re are interested to learn more, check out my book ‘Born to Stand Out‘.
I’ve been aware of this for years, but it’s only in the last few months that I’ve really started to cut them off completely ( for me it was only coffee and YouTube, I’m done with everything else long ago).
I’m still struggling to quit coffee black no sugar, but I’ve successfully cut out everything else.
No Youtube, no shorts, No spotify, no mindless scrolling (apart from replying to your comments on my posts on X).
I have replaced artificial dopamine refilling stimulants with healthy slow stimulation like:
– Long walks
– reading books
– Watching especially curated movies saved on my 1 TB hard drive (I have a great collection btw)
– Working out
– Socializing with people I like
And when I have absolutely nothing to do, I do nothing. I just sit and stare at a wall or a tree outside the window (trust me, I can do it for hours).
All I’m trying to do is bring back the simple life this world has snatched away from us.
I feel great. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I feel like me again.
More connected with myself. My core. Like I have rediscovered myself. And I will not give it up for any amount of pleasure in the world.
Try it. Just as an experiment. You will never go back. Trust me.
Stay blessed.
– Karun