Look. Let me set the record straight. You don’t have to be tall, dark, and handsome or look like a runway supermodel to be likeable.
Looks do matter if you’re in the glamor business, but in real life, nah, not that much.
Trust me, I’ve seen people who are 9/10 being ignored. And I’ve also seen people who look below average being thirsted over.
Likability is an art. It’s a skill. It can be learned and cultivated.
As an introvert, you may not be very social, but it’s a personal skill that we all need. Whether it’s a job interview, your first date, a business deal, or making a sales call, you have to make people like you to get them to do what you want.
Now, before I reveal the secret to instant likability, let me ask you a question.
What makes you like anyone?
Now, it may vary from person to person. For some of you, it could be their personality, their sense of humour, the way they’re dressed, or their confidence.
But there’s something that we are all attracted to.
And that something is: the way you feel in their presence.
You can call that vibe, energy, or aura.
I call it PRESENCE.
Imagine you’re watching a movie. Let’s say ‘Once Upon a Time in Hollywood’.
A scene comes up in which both Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt are on screen. Now, both actors are equally talented and popular, but our attention is mostly focused on one of them.
For me, it was definitely Brad. No doubt he won an Oscar for that role. Totally deserved it.
But, why does that happen?
Why are our eyes glued to only one of them?
In film terms, it’s known as “screen presence.”
Leo played a character who was always nervous, anxious, and fidgety. On the other hand, Brad played a character who was always cool, calm, and collected.
The fact is, our attention is always drawn to the person who has a stable presence.
And once you learn how to showcase this stable presence in your personality, people will like you instantly.
Let me explain how.
The secret to instant likability
Imagine you’re giving a TED talk in front of a thousand people.
Now there are some surface-level things that people will notice about you. Such as the way you’re dressed, the way you walk on to the stage, and all that.
But it’s not going to make them like you.
How you feel inside in any situation shows in your expressions, your gestures, your tone, and your body language.
Trust me, you cannot hide it. On a subconscious level, they’ll know that you’re nervous.
Now our goal here is to make them like you instantly. Because only if they like you are they going to pay any attention to what you’re going to say.
It’s your first time on the stage. You’re nervous as hell. You fear you’re going to go blank and mess it up.
Understandable.
So, what can you do to overcome it?
What you need here is a stable presence. And to showcase this stable presence, the only thing you need is to:
SLOW DOWN.
Imagine this.
You walk on to the stage slowly with a smile, no unnecessary gestures, just politely waving at the audience.
Now, stop. You don’t begin right away. You’re just there. Taking your time. And after a brief pause, you say,
“Jeez, I’m nervous.”
And the audience bursts into laughter.
You broke the ice, you warmed them up, you expressed yourself honestly, and the audience already likes you.
You were in total control of the situation. You didn’t let the auditorium full of people overwhelm you.
The thing that decides whether someone will like you or dislike you is your reaction.
Slowing down gives you time to manage your reactions.
It gives you time to get into your desired mental and physical state.
People with a stable presence never do anything quickly. They take their time. It shows that they are in total control of their reality.
The less you move, the more powerful people perceive you.
It’s hardwired into our brains. From atoms to humans, everyone is drawn towards more stability.
Here’s a list that can help you showcase more presence:
– Slow head movement. If you find something interesting in your environment, don’t be too quick to look at it, turn your head slowly.
– Slow hand gestures. While talking, use hand gestures sparingly. And slow them down.
– Walk slowly. It doesn’t mean you can’t walk fast, it means you shouldn’t look like you’re in a rush.
– Talk slowly. Pause, think, then answer. Don’t be in a hurry to show how smart you are. It’ll only make you look stupid.
– Don’t nod too much when someone else is talking. Do it when you agree with something you feel is important. And again, slow nods only.
(I’ve explained them in more detail in my upcoming book.)
Basically, anything slowed down looks more graceful. Charismatic. Confident. And shows that you’re in control.
On a psychological level, slowing down relaxes your nervous system. And helps you think more clearly. And act more confidently.
So, to conclude, if you want people to like you instantly, never show that you’re in a rush. Take your time. Be thoughtful. And trust me, they’ll like you more.
And lastly, as an introvert, it will act as a tool to fight that social anxiety and keep you rooted to yourself.
So, next time you’re out, try slowing down. And observe how it will make people respond to you.
And you’re going to love it.