The first time I came across the concept of ‘Highest Self’ was in my early 20s.

That word got me hooked. Humans have an ingrained tendency to constantly find ways to improve their lives. Be it mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

If you’re an introvert, a concept like that can deeply move you. And can send you on a deep explorative journey. That’s exactly what happened to me.

I read the word ‘highest self’ in some spiritual literature. And I wanted it. Badly. I mean, who won’t? It was speaking to me in ways I could not explain. It was urging me to explore and get to the root of it.

So… I began.

And as with every new thing, I didn’t know where to start. There were all kinds of questions hovering in my head.

And the first one was: what does it even mean to become your highest self?

I found different definitions in books. Some said it’s becoming more spiritual. Some said it’s about following your intuition. Some said it’s about becoming more aware.

I was confused.

Does it even exist or was I just chasing a ghost?

It took me a while to figure it out. After observing all the patterns. Connecting the dots. And taking a bird’s-eye view of my life, I finally got a perspective on what it was.

And trust me, that new perspective was life-changing. I couldn’t believe it. It was so simple yet so profound.

It felt like I had been sleeping all my life. It was a moment of awakening. An awakening that changed me forever.

Let’s dive in.

The 40-Day Brain Dump

I’ve done some pretty extreme things in my life.

Going on a 21-day water fast, meditating all day for a week, and a few other things. I definitely don’t recommend any of these. They can expand your consciousness, but they can also be life-threatening.

I believe that to live your life to the fullest, you have to explore it to its depths. This was one of those explorative experiments.

It was a phase in my life where I was feeling too full. I had all kinds of theories, concepts, ideas, philosophies, and opinions that were giving me sleepless nights.

The basic question was: What’s the best way to live one’s life?

And I had millions of answers.

I had been journaling for years. And every journaling session helped me feel light and calm. So I decided to take it to the extreme.

I brain-dumped for 40 days straight.

This was my routine:

• Wake up
• Make coffee
• Write
• Eat lunch
• Write
• Eat dinner
• Write
• Sleep

That’s all I did for 40 days. Nothing else.

I wrote down everything that was inside my mind. I wanted to pour everything out on the paper and make my mind completely empty.

I just wrote and wrote and wrote.

Everything I knew about myself.

How I learned what I knew.

The sources of my knowledge.

The biases inside me.

The unspoken rules I followed.

The beliefs that limited me.

The writers, philosophers, and ideas that built my perception of the world.

My suppressed emotions. My dark desires. My wants and needs. What do I feel when I want to say no but I couldn’t. Why can’t I talk to people. What are the thoughts that come to mind at that moment? How do those thoughts make me feel? How do my feelings guide my actions. Things that were kept bottled up for years and years.

Things I’d never talked about to anyone.

I examined every single how, what, and why behind my thoughts, emotions, actions, patterns, habits, behaviour, and my whole psyche.

And after those 40 days, I didn’t dare to read it. It was too painful. It felt like being stripped naked in public. If anyone had read those notebooks, they’d 100% think I was crazy.

It took me 8 more months to get back to these notebooks and read them cover to cover.

After I was done, it was like a shock that jolted me out of sleep.

I felt like I was reborn.

And here’s what I learned:

 

The way to your highest self

After reading those notebooks and contemplating for weeks, the biggest eye-opening insight was:

Everything I knew was false. 

EVERYTHING.

All the knowledge, information, behaviours, habits, patterns, emotions, and every tiny bit of what I called “ME” came from outside.

All of it was learned through books, teachers, people, school, college, people I admired, and all that. Through imitation and feedback. Through filtering what worked for me and what didn’t

It was all there in my notebooks. From the day I was born until the day I did that brain dump, everything was a reaction to fulfil a need or a desire.

I was like a robot running on the programme that was fed into my brain through my environment.

It may seem very odd to you right now, but trust me, if you really think about it, you’ll know what I’m talking about.

So, my last question was….

If everything I knew was false and came from outside, then what was the truth?

And that’s what helped me realise my highest self.

Your highest self is a self without ego. 

Everything that I wrote down in that 40-day brain dump were fragments of my ego. Those outside ideas, knowledge, behaviours, and  things helped me build a self-image.

Things that gave me a sense of who I was. Things that made me feel I was something or somebody. And this image was made up of millions of fragments.

And the reason for my suffering was the constant battles between these different fragments of my ego.

The reason behind our confusion, self-doubt, and internal conflict is because two opposite ideas are constantly fighting with each other to dominate and become a permanent part of our self-image.

And the day you come to the realization that all these ideas that make up what you call “ME” have come from outside, you will find peace.

You become aware of every fragment of your ego forcing you to act in a certain way. Talk in a certain way. Dress in a certain way. Follow a certain diet. Follow a certain routine.

Because if you remove all that.. what you call “ME” ceases to exist. And it feels like death.

So the ego will do everything in its power to continue its existence.

Let go.

Live with the awareness that you’re an observer inside this body. And all your suffering will end. All your attachments will fall off without any effort.

You will start flowing with the music of nature.

You will become your highest self.

You will realise that your true nature is that of an observer.