How many times have you said to yourself,
“I need to stop. This is getting out of control now.”
Introverts have obsessive personalities. Once they find something interesting, it is difficult for them to stop.
It could be work.
Watching Tik-toks.
Binge drinking.
Compulsive eating.
Netflix. Youtube. Porn.
It’s a habit, routine, pattern, or compulsive behavior that you cannot control. You have the desire to stop. You have tried. You know you have to. But it just feels impossible to stop.
I’m sure you’ve read a lot about this. Seen videos. Podcasts. Lectures. Nothing works. Maybe for a day or two. But you’re back to square one.
Those emotions get at you like a storm. You promised yourself this was the last. And within a week, all motivation fades.
I was at the exact same place as you. Struggling. Trying over and over again.
It was tiring.
But one insight turned everything around. It hit me like a bullet. I was like, how I could not see it. It was so simple.
And trust me, once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
Let’s dive in.
The dark night of the soul
It was 2 a.m.
I was sitting on my bed, looking at the pack of cigarettes on my nightstand.
I had tried a hundred times to quit, but I just couldn’t do it. I knew it had to stop. I tried distancing myself from people who smoked. I tried changing my routine. I read books. I tried meditation to be more present when I got the urge.
Nothing worked.
And it was again one of those nights when I was about to tell myself: Okay, this is the last. We’re not going to do it again.
And suddenly, I became very aware. I looked around, everything was alright. I was at peace. I was cosy and comfortable. And I questioned myself,
“Why do I want to smoke?”
It was the first time in my life that I had asked myself this question. I wanted to be honest with myself. I never dared to ask that question. I always found clever ways to escape it.
And in that silent moment, for the first time, I heard that little voice whisper:
You don’t crave a cigarette, you crave a higher experience.
I spent years trying to fix the effect, but I never paid attention to the cause.
The cause was: DESIRE.
Fix the cause, not the effect
Everything starts with a desire.
Desire is wanting. Wanting an object, a feeling, an experience, peace, happiness, security, sex, or pleasure.
Anything that you think will enhance your state of experience.
At its very core, desire starts with a thought. Imagine an action that will change your current state of existence into a more pleasurable one.
But, does it?
Be honest with yourself. If it did, you wouldn’t want to change. Would you?
No, it doesn’t. It can’t. It doesn’t have the capacity to do it. Because it’s not permanent. But the mind desires permanence. And that is why you keep repeating it. Over and over again.
Now you may say,
“Ok, I understand all that. Yes, I have the desire to enhance my experience. Is there any other way?”
Yes, there are plenty of ways.
But before that, I want to take it one step deeper.
Why do you have the desire to enhance your experience?
The simplest answer is that you’re not happy with your current experience. No?
This is where most people get delusional.
Society, culture, and people have convinced you that there is something higher to be experienced.
Okay fine. But can it be permanent? Can it be done without destroying your mind, body, and soul?
The greatest intoxication, the greatest drug. The greatest experience is this present moment. But you’ve never experienced it because you’ve been running away from it all your life.
Go to the club, go to the movies, eat something, watch something, smoke something, or inject yourself with something. We do everything that can help us escape this moment.
Is this reality so bad? Is it so painful?
Let’s go one more step deeper… Why?
Why can’t you bear it? Why is it so painful? Why do you find all kinds of ways to escape it and then go out looking for methods of self-control?
You have the desire to do it, and you also have the desire to quit doing it.
Do you see it now? How insane is that?
Trust me, I’ve lived with that insanity for years.
And here’s how I finally overcame it.
The Art of Self-Control
Imagine your brain as a muddy field with many potholes.
Now, when it rains, the water has the tendency to flow towards those potholes.
In the same way, your brain is filled with these potholes. These potholes are the patterns that you’ve repeated over and over again.
And your thoughts have the tendency to flow towards these potholes. And the more you repeat a pattern of actions, the deeper these potholes get.
And it’s impossible to control your mind from repeating these thought patterns until you allow these potholes to fill.
How can they fill it?
TIME.
There is no other way.
Scientific studies have proven that our brains are plastic. It can rewire itself. It can change patterns and behaviours. But it can only happen if you allow yourself the time to heal.
It’s just like a wound. If you keep scratching it, it’s not going to heal. You have to leave it alone for some time.
Time, time , time.
Give it some time.
Scientifically speaking, give it 2 weeks. That’s the minimum time the brain needs to rewire neural pathways.,
You tell me, is it possible to stop doing something without not doing it for some time?
Absolutely not.
The keys to self-control are:
- An awareness that whatever you do to cope with reality is incapable of giving you a higher experience
- If you want to heal, you need time.
There is no other way. Go ahead, try if you want to. But you’d be disappointed.
Try it for 2 weeks. Be aware. And it will change your life.
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