How many times have you drained yourself dry for someone else?
How many times have you done shit you absolutely hated?
How many times have you not called out on people just to not hurt their feelings?
Hundreds?
Thousands?
And what did you get out of it?
Pain. Regret. Anxiety. Suffering.
All because you’re too “nice”. You just can’t say no.
Can you?
It’s hard, right? Very hard.
But, my dear friend, today, it’s all going to change.
Today, I am going to share with you a simple life rule which will fix at least 90% of your life problems.
It’ll improve your mental health, your confidence, and make your life peaceful.
And here it is:
The ‘Life Rule’ for introverts: CHOOSE YOURSELF FIRST
Sounds simple? But it’s not as simple as you think.
Let me explain how you can do that. Every single time.
The psychology of choosing yourself
As a kid, you were dependent on your parents.
You agreed with everything they said because your survival depended on them.
But, they weren’t always right.
And even if your whole being, every cell in your body wanted to rebel against them, you didn’t do it.
Why?
Because you were dependent.
And that became a pattern.
A pattern of being too nice.
A pattern of being too kind.
A pattern of bottling up your feelings.
A pattern of never saying no.
These patterns become your whole psyche.
But you have to understand that it’s okay to choose yourself.
You parents didn’t let you, you teachers didn’t let you, the society didn’t let you.
But you have to choose yourself first.
Be kind, be caring, be understanding, but don’t hurt yourself.
And this quote from Fyodor Dostoevsky’s ‘Crime & Punishment’ says it all:
Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.
For nothing.
NOTHING.
Choosing yourself is not just a need, it’s essential for a healthy mind & body.
Choosing yourself is not being selfish, it’s being kind towards yourself.
And here are a few ways how you can start:
Define your core values and stick with them
What do you value?
Honesty, kindness, trust.
But you gotta start with yourself.
Are you honest with yourself?
Are you kind to yourself?
Start here. Take a piece of paper and write down your core values. Keep that paper in your wallet, or purse or at the back of your mobile cover.
And then stick with them. Follow them, no matter what.
Whatever is opposite of that is false. Fake & phony.
Now, you have to decide if you wanna be real or fake.
Practice Self-compassion
You love your parents.
You love your partner.
You love your children.
But what about you?
Who’s gonna love you? Take care of you?
Start with being kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Stop judging yourself so hard.
Allow yourself to take care of yourself.
Allow yourself to say no.
Allow yourself to protect your energy.
You gotta watch, and watch carefully what drains you and what doesn’t.
Don’t let your childhood patterns make your present decisions.
Let go of your past. What happened, happened. It’s over. Done. Finished.
Start fresh.
Start with this moment.
Start with the new you.
And make sure you give yourself all the love, kindness, compassion, and attention you deserve.
Feel More
You repeat your old patterns because you don’t want to feel.
You cannot choose yourself if you don’t feel what you’re feeling.
Feel , feel, feel.
Feel the emptiness
Feel the boredom.
Feel the meaninglessness of everything
Feel the meaningfulness of everything
Feel the calm phases
Feel the storms
Feel the excitement
Feel the happiness
Feel the phases of quiet contemplation
DO NOT RUN AWAY.
When you sit with it.
When you don’t try to distract yourself.
You teach yourself to validate your own feelings.
The feelings that were discarded by your parents, your teachers, and the whole society.
You teach yourself that it’s okay to feel sad, and angry, and shitty. And still love yourself.
And above all, you teach yourself that whatever may be the circumstances, no matter what, it’s okay to choose yourself.
As an introvert, choosing yourself is non-negotiable. You have to do it.
Because whenever you don’t, and go against who you are, you end up drained & empty.
This cycle goes on and on and on.
My dear friend, this letter today is a sign.
A sign to love yourself more.
A sign to be more kind to yourself.
A sign to choose yourself first.
Every single day.