Introverts sometimes find it difficult to build genuine connections.
They’re not shy or rude, they’re picky. They need time. Sometimes lots and lots of time.
And it makes sense too. Because when they trust someone, they go all in.
And naturally, if you’re someone like that, that kind of commitment takes time and a tonne of effort.
But, it can also result in lost opportunities.
In work, business, and even personal relationships.
So, today I’ll share with you an insight that has helped me build genuine long-term connections both with my audience and in my personal relationships.
Let’s dive right in.
Couple of weeks ago I went to see my dentist for a regular check-up.
To pass the time in the waiting room, I picked up a magazine and started turning pages.
I came across a headline that instantly caught my attention,
“Couples Comfortable with Farts Live Longer”
And I was like “what???” giggling in my head.
But trust me, it was one of the best articles I had read in a long time.
Now, I’m not gonna go into fart psychology and gross you out.
I’m just going to share with you a deeper message that I learned from that article.
I have already been using it unconsciously for years, but that article made me see it more clearly.
You can use it to improve your personal relationships (dating, marriage, or friendships).
If you’re a entrepreneur, it can help you build a genuine connection with your clients.
And if you’re a creator like myself, it can help you build trust with your audience.
What makes us trust someone?
I want you to think back and remember the last time you genuinely connected with someone (apart from your parents).
The moment when someone made you feel:
“I can trust this person.” or “ This person is real”.
And I’m pretty sure that trust was built on something personal.
Something they shared with you that most people hide. Feel insecure about. Or shameful.
Maybe they shared with you a dark secret they’ve never told anyone.
Or a weakness. Or their honest opinion about a person.
In some way or the other they opened up you. Showed you their heart.
To put it simply, they didn’t try to hide their honest feelings.
But why?
Why do we tend to trust people who show us their weaknesses. Who don’t hide their flaws. Who share something embarrassing with us without fearing judgement.
It’s because by sharing something personal with you they’re showing that they can trust you.
And as human beings, we trust people who trust us.
We all have our fears & insecurities.
We all fear being judged. We hide our flaws. And show the world how perfect we are.
But in deep inside our hearts we trust people who do the opposite.
The people who are unafraid to show their flaws and imperfections. The people who don’t try to be perfect and show us their real side.
Don’t we?
Here’s the secret
Superman can fly and has super human strength.
But what really connects us with him is knowing that Superman too has a kryptonite.
A flaw. A weakness.
Because it makes him more human. More like us. More believable.
The secret to win someone’s trust and build genuine connection is VULNERABILITY.
Being our messy, imperfect, authentic selves helps create a space where others feel safe to be themselves too.
Your vulnerability can be a gift to others.
We may get attracted to superficial things in the moment.
But what truly wins our hearts and builds real connection is vulnerability.
Embracing yourself. Without fear. Without judgement. Without shame.
I spent years hiding myself. Afraid. Insecure. Unable to express what I really felt.
Because I didn’t know that vulnerability is not a weakness, it’s a superpower.
When you share your being without fear, people feel it to their bones.
Remember this: Being vulnerable doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means you have courage to be yourself.
And I’ll leave you with this beautiful quote by Gabrielle Bernstein,
We put enormous effort into hiding our vulnerability, but it’s our vulnerability that truly heals. When we feel safe enough to expose our shadows, that’s when we become free.
Stay blessed,
Karun
P.S: If you fear expressing your authentic self and tired of living as a watered-down version of yourself, here’s a book that can help you overcome it: Born to Stand Out